5 Jokes to Entertain Petrol Heads

Even if you’re not a big car fan, you know one. And you’re probably sick and tIred of sitting through their endless ramblings about V8 engines, oversteer, which is apparently a good thing, and horse power which has zilch to do with an actual animal. That’s why we’ve gathered together these five side splitting jokes from around the web to help you steer the conversation back into your comfort zone.

1. Oh brother!

Steven starts a new job and on his first day, another colleague, Matt, invites him to tag along with the rest of the team to lunch. It’s Matt’s turn to drive.

On the way, they approach a red traffic light, but Matt doesn’t slow down. Instead he shoots straight through it. One of his teammate in the car objects, “You just ran a red light. Be careful!”. Matt responds, “Relax, this is how my brother drives.”

They come to another red light, and Matt ignores it, speeding into it again. “You’re going to get us killed!” shouts another colleague in the car, but Matt repeats his last reply, “Relax, this is how my brother drives.”

Finally, the next robot they approach turns green. Matt hits anchors and the car comes to a screeching halt before the intersection. Steven has kept his patience long enough and loses it with Matt, shouting “What the heck is wrong with you? It’s green! Green means go! So go!”. “Nah man,” says Matt shaking his head peering around the intersection, “my brother might be coming the
other way!”

2. The lighter side of road rage

Frank is driving down a winding road and just as he rounds a corner, a car coming from the other direction blows its horn and as it passes Frank, The woman driving the car leans out of the window and shouts “Pig!”. Insulted, Frank turns to her retreating car and yells back at her, “Cow!”. Then his car hit the pig.

3. A perfectly reasonable misunderstanding

A traffic cop is driving on the highway when a car suddenly flashes by him at twice the speed limit. He hits the lights and sirens and follows the car, but the driver doesn’t pull over. To get the driver’s attention, the cop pulls up alongside the speeding car. Inside, he sees an old woman, knitting while driving! He honks his horn, but to no avail. She must be hard of hearing, so he cracks the loudspeaker and yells “Pull over!” The women whips her head up from her knitting, shakes her head and yells back “No, it’s a scarf!”.

4. A matter of perspective

A group of pensioners were discussing their medical problems at the Day Centre coffee morning.

‘Do you realise,’ said one,’My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup.’

‘Yes, I know.’ replied the second,’My cataracts are so bad I can’t see to pour the coffee.’

‘I can’t turn my head,’ rejoined the third, ‘because of the arthritis in my neck.’

‘My blood pressure pills make my dizzy,’ commented the fourth, adding, ‘I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old.’

‘Well, it’s not all bad.’ piped up the first, ‘We should be thankful that we can still drive.’

5. With age comes wisdom

An elderly lady is stopped at a shopping centre, waiting for a parking space, but as the car vacates the space she’s been waiting for, a young man in an expensive sports car cuts her off and steals her spot. Elsie winds down her window and accosts the man for what he’s done as he gets out of the car. “Excuse me young man,” she says politely, “I was waiting for that spot, but perhaps you didn’t see me.”

“Oh no, I saw you,” the man says matter-of- factly, shrugging his shoulders.

“And you just took it anyway?” the woman asks, quite taken a back.

“That’s what you can do when you’re young and bright.”

Annoyed, the elderly lady revs up, stamps on her accelerator and ploughs into his shiny sportscar, pushing it forward and out of the parking. She stops halfway in, gets out of her car and hits the central locking with a pleased look on her face. The man is standing on the side-lines gobsmacked.

“You just totalled my car,” he accuses.

The woman smiles at him. “That’s what you can do when you’re old and rich.”

What did you think of our jokes? The fun doesn’t have to stop there. Discover our specials this month and have the last laugh with TATA.